Managing Stress & Success

Managing Stress & Success

When I was asked to write about my experience of stress my first reaction was no. I wasn’t sure I was ready to outwardly share my true feelings on this subject, partly because I didn’t want to drag up the baggage that for a number of years I have done my best to bury and partly because I had never really talked openly about my battles.

My story starts in late 2013, I was a sole practitioner running a small but growing accountancy practice based around the very personal service that I delivered to our clients. The practice was successful, we were growing and attracting more and more clients. Recruitment was a problem though and to cope with the growth and to deliver the promised service I worked longer and longer hours. Work became my life and all that I thought about. My phone was always in my hand and I answered calls and emails night and day, pretty much 7 days a week. I thought that to be successful I needed to work harder and harder.

Away from the office, I struggled to switch off. I drank after work and ate more and struggled to sleep. On a family holiday in October 2013, I couldn’t switch off and worked myself up so much that we flew home two days early.

Looking back now these were the first signs that I was suffering from, what I now understand was work-related stress. I just didn’t know it then.

Over the next few months, things got worse. I suffered sporadic bouts of Insomnia and ever-increasing anxiety mixed with bouts of depression. I would work myself up into such a state that I couldn’t do anything and I couldn’t think of anything, at times my brain just felt like it was mush. However, I had a business to run and clients to look after and a team that relied on me so I just carried on pushing harder and harder, working more and more.

Each day following little or no sleep I would psych myself up to go to the office, eventually pulling on my work mask and heading out to tackle the day. Just getting through the workday, pretending everything was OK was exhausting. I didn’t want to appear weak or that I wasn’t in control and so just carried on with the pretense. By the time each day was over, I just sank into the sofa and didn’t move until it was time for bed, not that I would sleep as my mind was constantly on. I went from eating and drinking to tackle the stress to having no appetite at all and just pushing food around my plate. I was exhausted.

One morning I was going through my usual routine and something hit me. I don’t know what it was or why but I just knew I needed to get myself sorted out and that morning instead of going to work I took myself to the doctors and unloaded everything. It was the first time I had admitted that I was struggling and the doctor just listened and then told me something that looking back now is blindingly obvious –I was suffering from stress. Stress that I had undoubtedly caused myself by pushing so hard and stress that only I could alleviate. I had burnt myself out and something needed to change.

My doctor wanted to sign me off work, but because of the growing client base that was not an option and so I left the surgery that morning with two prescriptions as well as some advice that exercise may help me relax and switch off. For the next 3 or 4 weeks I used sleeping tablets to help me sleep and for 12 months or so I took the anti-depressants to lighten my mood! Getting some uninterrupted sleep really helped. The fog started to lift and I could start to think again. I also started to walk. I would step out at lunch time to get some fresh air and try not to think about work.

After some time I knew I had to address the causes of my issues –work. This was tough because I was absolutely a workaholic and therefore my own worst enemy. One of the first things I did was to stop being always attached to my phone –this was, and still is tough. As time passed I began to feel better and started to learn how to manage my stress and anxiety levels. I made the decision to change my work environment and merged my practice with HW in February 2015 with the aim of reducing reliance on me. It is fair to say that this move was not the instant success that I had hoped for but instead a slow burner, in part because my nature is to constantly strive to push the business forward –which resulted in me adding to my own stress levels further.

As time continues to pass I have continued to learn how to manage situations that I know will affect my stress levels and I am fairly confident now that I have my stress and anxiety under control.

One of the key things I have done is readdress my work like balance and now, whilst I consider I work hard, I don’t work 24/7, 7 days a week anymore and I ensure I make time for myself and my family. Most importantly I make sure I get appropriate time away from the office and away from technology. I also ensure I get out in the open –the fresh air really helps and anyone that knows me will know that trips to Cornwall are a must. Above all, I do all I can to enjoy life.

Because of my experience mental health in the workplace is very close to my heart. I don’t want any of my team to suffer as I did and I try to encourage them not to get caught in the same traps as me –most importantly ensuring they make time for themselves and their family, that they know that they are not expected to work silly hours and that support is there if they need it.

Up to this day, I don’t think I have shared my experience with more than 4 people and certainly no one at work. I think this is simply because I didn’t want to appear weak, didn’t want people to treat me differently and didn’t want my ‘issues’ to affect my standing in the business, with the team or with clients.

So why did I change my mind and agree to write about my experiences? I simply realised that I am in a privileged position and I shouldn’t be afraid of speaking up and telling my story. If reading this gives someone the strength to ask for help and stop someone from suffering like I did it will be worth it.

It is really important, and now even more than ever with the remote working restrictions that Covid has forced upon us that team members check in with each other –to make sure teammates are OK. Like Bob Hoskins said, ‘It's good to talk’.

Tim Pearce